Defects of Character
In the uncertain world of contracting - especially if one is given to abusing resources or picking fights with permanent staff - it is important to maintain a ready and glowing CV, to be dispatched to recruiters at a moment's notice. Feeling a bout of stroppiness coming on, I felt it wise to update said document, and considered which glorious accomplishments from my past might best recommend me to an unsuspecting employer.
These are some of the ones that I reluctantly chose to omit.
(Intellectual Achievement) I memorised the hardness scale of minerals at age 7, and can still recite it: Talc, gypsum, calcite, fluorite, apetite, orthoclase, quartz, topaz, corundum, diamond.
(Cultural Achievement) I won a flower-arranging competition at school at age 9. The (not remotely straight) judge, toupeed art teacher Jac Theron, threw up his arms and said he absolutely loved it because it was so "natural". The girls were all very impressed.
(Constitutional Robustness) I once ate 45 Monty Bars in one weekend when my parents were away.
(Physical Prowess) I won the last real fight that I was involved in (at age 10). It ended when I bit the other guy on his thigh. That ended the friendship.
(Literary Pastimes) I read Watership Down seven times between the ages of 7 and 16.
(Dedication) I once drove 21 times consecutively the wrong way round the circle at the end of Tokai road at 4 'o' clock in the morning.
(Revolutionary Idealism) A rebellious five-year-old in pre-school, I apparently flatly refused to do bunny-hops in a circle with the other children, instead hopping on one leg in the other direction.
(Musical Pursuits) I adore and can sing both the main Minmei songs from Robotech word for word. I never, ever do this in public.
(Sensitivity) As a child, I was terrorised by the rubber dinosaurs in The Land that Time Forgot, and haven't been able to handle horror movies ever since. I am currently trying to pluck up the courage to watch the second half of The Cell.
(Hobbies) Most children collected stamps or stickers. I collected rocks, interestingly-shaped sticks, bullet casings and the lead seals from wine bottles.
(Appreciation for Life Imititating Art) Listening to Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night", I drove home one night wearing my sunglasses. Tres, tres cool.
(Novel Evolutionary Throwbacks) I have a Simian crease on my left palm. Then again, my father claims to have a vestigial gill just in front of his right ear. I think he is actually Aquaman.
These are some of the ones that I reluctantly chose to omit.
(Intellectual Achievement) I memorised the hardness scale of minerals at age 7, and can still recite it: Talc, gypsum, calcite, fluorite, apetite, orthoclase, quartz, topaz, corundum, diamond.
(Cultural Achievement) I won a flower-arranging competition at school at age 9. The (not remotely straight) judge, toupeed art teacher Jac Theron, threw up his arms and said he absolutely loved it because it was so "natural". The girls were all very impressed.
(Constitutional Robustness) I once ate 45 Monty Bars in one weekend when my parents were away.
(Physical Prowess) I won the last real fight that I was involved in (at age 10). It ended when I bit the other guy on his thigh. That ended the friendship.
(Literary Pastimes) I read Watership Down seven times between the ages of 7 and 16.
(Dedication) I once drove 21 times consecutively the wrong way round the circle at the end of Tokai road at 4 'o' clock in the morning.
(Revolutionary Idealism) A rebellious five-year-old in pre-school, I apparently flatly refused to do bunny-hops in a circle with the other children, instead hopping on one leg in the other direction.
(Musical Pursuits) I adore and can sing both the main Minmei songs from Robotech word for word. I never, ever do this in public.
(Sensitivity) As a child, I was terrorised by the rubber dinosaurs in The Land that Time Forgot, and haven't been able to handle horror movies ever since. I am currently trying to pluck up the courage to watch the second half of The Cell.
(Hobbies) Most children collected stamps or stickers. I collected rocks, interestingly-shaped sticks, bullet casings and the lead seals from wine bottles.
(Appreciation for Life Imititating Art) Listening to Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night", I drove home one night wearing my sunglasses. Tres, tres cool.
(Novel Evolutionary Throwbacks) I have a Simian crease on my left palm. Then again, my father claims to have a vestigial gill just in front of his right ear. I think he is actually Aquaman.
posted by Thor Harley at 11:49 am
2 Comments:
"I read Watership Down..."
Did I ever mention that we think we met the ghost of General Woundwort (sp?) in the long grass at Chanctonbury Ring. He looked old, gnarled, scarred and defiant. They say the spooks of Roman soldiers lurk amongst the trees there, haunting the place, but I think it's more likely to be the Watership General.
Now I know why the illustrious Quarkman and I get on so well: when I was 5, we went skiing in Austria, and I, convinced I knew how to ski (no idea how I figured that out), was very miffed at being left in the kids ski class. So it was not more than an hour later that people looking down to the bottom of the slope would have seen a circle of kids on skis going around clockwise, with one lone child on the outside of them, going around anti-clockwise.
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