Mystic Crystal Revelation

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Age of Aquarius will shortly be upon us. You might have noticed that we are already within the outer pickets of its Orb of Influence. In just under 600 years, the Age of Pisces officially ends, and it'll all be Brotherhood of Man, Laying Down of Swords, Uranus, etc. Religion and Science will co-mingle as it is revealed that they are two aspects of one Truth and we'll all reach an advanced new level of Enlightenment.

Skeptical? So was I, but then two things happened:

Firstly, I dreamt two nights back that I had returned from a skiing holiday and was having difficulty turning corners properly with my car. When I investigated, I discovered that some fucker had stolen my front rims and had replaced them with those biscuit wheel-things you get in cars with too little space for a proper spare.

Secondly, Pluto has just been demoted from its status as a planet.

What do all these portents mean? I admit, I was flummoxed until today. Then, whilst writing a mind-numbingly uninteresting piece of code, I sat back and saw what I had typed.

// Doesn't exist yet; new it and set the AgreementBlend-level fields

Long blendTypeId = new Long(rs.getLong("BLEND_TYPE"));

blend = new AgreementBlend();

blend.setAgreementBlendId(agreementBlendId);
blend.setBlendName(agreementBlendName);
blend.setBlendTypeId(blendTypeId);
blend.setAgreementId(new Long(agreementId));

// Add the AgreementBlend to the return Map
blends.put(agreementBlendName, blend);


Do you see it? My jaw dropped. I was absolutely stunned. Everything fell into place. But perhaps it's just me jumping to conclusions. The apparent path before me is pretty daunting, and I need to be sure before I rush out and start summoning world leaders again. What do you guys think? Affirmation please...

I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much

IT is for girls. I am changing careers to finally indulge my life-long passion: Pret-a-Porter. Expect to see my spring collection causing a sensation in Milan next year. Pink being the next pink, I'm opening with my bold new campaign "Scarlicte", featuring everyday sports fabrics that have accidentally been dyed pink in the wash due to the inclusion of a large maroon sheet.

First up, the Scarlicte Lycra Trisuit. Ideal for rowing, paddling, or just wearing about the house and garden. Svelte, close-fitting and durable, it marries practicality with an undeniably iridescent je ne sais quoi.



Next the Scarlicte Secret Sock, shown here with a lemon. Soft, lightweight and sublimely mauve, this has 42.2km of comfort and sophistication written all over it. Notice how the colour intensifies towards the toe, suggesting a confluence of chakra at the meridians.



Look out for my models on billboards about town wearing a stunning variety of underwear, shirts and dishcloths.

Quark Side of the Moon

Having recovered some from my earlier bout of Billymania - The Three Degrees finally calmed me down with a very soothing "Precious Moments" - I thought I'd post an update on the escapades of everyone's favourite polyhedron in their ongoing struggle to free the galaxy.

So we triumphed. Crazy Woman successfully applied the correct transformations to her quantum meta-brain wavefunction, which luckily collapsed to an uncommonly lucid state, divulging a number of eigenvalues that we were able to translate into crucial answers. The following week we slipped to fourth, before rallying to second this week - despite being de-verticised and projected back to our original Triangle. Indiana has even changed tack with his quizmistress-seduction sub-campaign (now in its twelfth dramatic week), eschewing the rather formal litigator-of-means appearance for a more casual just-been-playing-badminton-with-the-ambassador look. We hope this bold new strategy will meet with success.

And so the campaign continues. Re-energised, we have retro-fitted Mecha-Benjamin with a Flux Capacitor, me with Photon Torpedoes, and Mecha-Indiana with some special modifications that he made himself. It's gonna be tough: Cat's Paw's chief whip surprised everyone by furtively growing a moustache which he brandished majestically over pseudo-friendly drinks at Carlyle's last night, much to the dismay of his unsuspecting girlfriend, Jane. Were we cowed? No, but clearly this has gone beyond a game. Watch this spot.

Scenes from an Open-Plan Office

Sweet Jesus H F*king Holy Crap Christ! I just heard on the radio that Billy Joel is coming to Cape Town! I'm so excited right now, I don't think I am going to be able to write a single meaningful line of code till Monday. This is the closest I'll ever be to knowing what it feels like to be a crazed Japanese teenage schoolgirl at a David Hasselhoff concert. No details yet, but I will pre-emptively de-prioritise all weddings, holidays, relationships, career moves, etc. on my calendar.

My friend Ian - who's apparently flying out to Dublin for "Billy Joel's Last Ever Concert" - is going to be a tad bummed.